Total Gamer Island
by Sothe Arc
Summary: A cross between SSMB, with a few new twists and changes, and a TV show called Total Drama Island. Plenty O laughs.
1. Chapter 1 Meeting Half the Campers

Miles: Welcome, to-

Miles: Welcome, to-

Dark Link: WOOT!!111111ELEVEN.

Miles: Err…. Ignore him he's really excited. And who wouldn't be, with the opening of

TOTAL GAMER

ISLAND!

Miles: A while back, many characters from multiple games signed up for a summer long spa treatment. What they didn't know was that they would be spending it with my brother (cuts to Dark Link)

Dark Link: Hi mom. (Pause) I HEAR THE VOICES MAKE THEM STOP!!

Miles: And me. Poor guys, I almost feel sorry for them. Then I realize, I get paid to do this. BONUS! Here with me is Master Chief, the chef at camp Wannastompagoomba, where the campers will be staying. We, however, will be living off the coast in a luxury cruise liner.

Dark Link: (Far Away) Then why do I have to sleep in the outhouse?!

Miles: Because, you scared everyone with the voices thing and got banned.

Dark Link: O RLY? Oh yeah, good times.

Miles: Riiiiiight. Master Chief, anything you'd like to say?

Master Chief: I've never cooked before in my life. I always ate mud and seawater.

Dark Link: Hardcore dude, hardcore.

Just then, a butterfly flew past M.C. So he took out his rocket launcher and blew it sky high.

Miles: (Looks at where the butterfly was) I think I'll move over there.

Dark is holding a lighter.

Miles: Security, get that away from him. (Space Pirates tackle Dark and wrestle him to the ground. Dark transforms into the REAL Dark Link and kills them all)

Dark: They don't call me Dark Link for nothin'.

Miles: (confused) How long could you do that?

Dark: Since the fan fic started.

Miles: (understands now) Ohhhhhhh ok. Well, its time to go greet the campers. To the Dock of Shame!

All three of them walk to the dock of shame. They see a speedboat coming to the dock.

Miles: And there is our first camper! (The boat lands and a mustachioed man exits) If I'm not mistaken, its-a him, Mario!

Luigi: Wrong stupid. I'm Luigi; Mario is on another boat.

Miles: Ohhh, wellllll SOOOOOOOOORRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY "wee-jee"

Luigi: WHY THE & DOES EVERYONE CALL ME THAT!!

Dark: M.C., if you would

M.C.: My pleasure.

Master Chief takes out his SMG and beats Luigi over the head with it.

Luigi: Oww-what-owww-is-owww-this-owww-for-OWWWWWW

Miles: There is a no swearing policy on Total Gamer Island, bitch!

Luigi: But….

Miles: (Interrupting) No questions, now get over there before we shove a bazooka up your ass!

Luigi: (looks at M.C. and gulps) O-o-o-k (Walks over to the end of the dock)

Another speedboat pulls up.

Dark Link: And this must be… (A blue haired man wielding a golden sword steps off)

Ike! Welcome to the island dude.

Ike: Dark and Miles, what's up? What have you been up to since I signed up?

Miles: (High fives Ike) Dude, nothing much. Just setting up the traps on the island in case anyone tries to run. They get past, we use Tactic DL (points at his bro, who is in a ninja outfit)

Ike: Why would we try to escape, this will be AWESOME!

Miles: Ummm… just so you know, there is no spa. It was all a hoax.

Ike: I know. I came because of the outdoors, not the spa. Oh, and I can see the run down cabins from here. (Points to the cabins)

Miles: This will anger some of the campers. Speaking of which, here comes camper #3!

There is a speedboat coming, and on deck is a woman wearing a tight blue tube top and waaaay to short shorts.

Luigi, Ike and M.C are staring at her, but Miles and Dark simply waited for here to land.

Miles: And you must be Lara Croft. Welcome to the island. Please, wait over there with the man in green and the dude with the golden sword.

Lara: (In a thick English accent) Ok, thank you. I hope you don't mind, but I brought enough luggages to last the year,

Miles: Don't worry, I'm sure someone will take care of it. (Cuts to Dark burning it and then back to me)

Luigi: (Staring at Lara) Ummmm… (Obviously trying to think of a good icebreaker) Uhhh… you have big boobs!

Lara: (stares at him in shock for 2 seconds, then kicks him in the teeth) No good pervert…

Miles: Well, that was interesting. And here is the next player… LEON KENNEDY!? OMGOMGOMGTHISGUYRULESCANIGETHIS AUTOGRAPHCANICANICANI?!

The speedboat pulls up and Leon jumps out. Miles runs up and starts chattering incoherently.

Miles: OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG CAN I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPHCANISEETHEATTACHECASECANICANICANI?!

Leon K.: Ummm… no, now please get off of me.

Miles: (regains thoughts) Ohhh, um sorry about that. I lost me cool.

Dark: Can't lose what ya never had! LOLZ

Miles: (throws rock at Dark) Shut up youz. Ok, so Leon, please wait over there with the rest of them while the campers arrive. But first…. (Takes snapshot of Leon with his cell phone) WOOOTZ I GOT IT!!11111!!

Leon: Oooooook…. Note to self: Get restraining order on Miles.

Dark: Challenger number five is… Mario!

(Cuts to the boat pulling up while Mario's theme music plays)

Luigi: How come I didn't get them music?

Miles: Cause you're a crybaby wimp, and you suck. (Whispers) Luigi's Mansion rules!

Mario: Its-a me, Mario! Man, I love saying that!

Dark: WASSUP MARIO!! How was the trip?

Mario: Good, very relaxing. So, where is the luxury spa we are going to stay at?

Miles: Ummm… at your moms house. She gives a good back rub.

Mario: Your hilarious. Seriously, where?

Dark: There isn't one. It was all a hoax.

All but Ike: WHAT!!

Ike: Whatever, this is going to rule anyways.

Miles: I probably should explain… but not until all the other campers arrive. Next on the list is… Snake!

( Pans around the island's coast, but there is no boat)

Dark: Umm… where is the boat?

Miles: Idk my BFF Jill LOLZ PHONE HUMOR.

( Everyone looks at Miles like he has 3 heads)

Miles: Sorry about that, I'm prone to fits of craziness.

Dark: Me too, except someone usually gets hurt when I go crazy. (Smiles menacingly)

Everyone takes 20 steps back.

Ike: Does anyone else hear a helicopter?

Everyone listens carefully and sure enough, a helicopter is coming.

Miles: I guess Snake has his own way to get to… MC WHAT YOU DOING?!

Master Chief has a rocket launcher and is locked on to the chopper

MC: I'm going to take out the target, simple as that. (Fires the bazooka)

A man jumps out of the chopper before its hit, and then swims all the way to the beach. He then disappears, and Master Chief is in a headlock. Snake comes into focus, and we see he has a knife to MC's throat.

Snake: WTF why are you trying to kill me, bitch?

MC: That was an Earth Marines Pelican transport, which went missing a while back.

Snake: What are you talking about that was an F-17 Black Hawk that was worth more than your fancy scmancy armor!

MC: Hey, even cyborgs make mistakes!

Snake: Yeah, but not cyborgs from 1000 years into the future!

MC: Let go of me, or I will have you arrested.

Snake lets him go, and joins the other players.

Snake: This isn't over.

Dark: Next up is… Bowser!

Mario and Luigi: FOR THE LOVE OF GOOMBA'S NOT HIM!!

Miles: I'm afraid so guys, I'm afraid so. (Tries to keep a straight face, but bursts out laughing)

Bowser flies up in that weird flying clown car.

Bowser: BUAHAHA I'VE COME TO BE PAMPERED AND B… What the… (Stares at Mario bros, then laughs) I get it, nice try guys. I'm not going to go berserk if you put Mario and Greenie mannequins out.

Miles: (Takes many steps back) Ummm… Bowser… There not fake. They're the actual, flesh and pixel, Mario Bros.

Bowser: (Silent for one minute) I'm leaving.

Miles: Dark, if you would. (Cuts to Dark firing a rocket launcher at Bowser)

Dark: Way ahead of you. (Fires at Bowser and blows up the clown car)

Bowser crashlanded on the beach, then pulls himself out of the wreckage, barely alive.

Bowser: (Raises thumb into the air) I'll stay.

Miles: Good, now bleed your way over to the others. (Bowser does so) Good boy. And next up is… LINK!

Dark: W00T LOLZ LMAOROFL!! LINK RULES!!

Everyone hears an ocarina, then a guitar, then drums, then horns.

Miles: Sounds like he's here… and he brought his masks.

A Zora jumps out of the water onto the dock, and then Link removes the mask. Everyone but Miles and Dark are amazed. Miles is slightly amused. Dark is unsheathing his sword.

Dark: Link, I challenge you to a duel!!

Link: Dude, you challenged me at the sign-up, I beat you. You challenge me on the street, I beat you. You challenge me in my SLEEP, I beat you! Why is this different!

Dark: I GREW A MUSTACHE!! I WILL WIN!!

The match is short. Link wins, Dark goes to the I.C.U. End of story.

Miles: Well, that was interesting. Next on the list is… (Cuts to Mario talking to Luigi)

Mario: I'm glad that I don't have to watch over Peach over the summer.

Luigi: Yeah, and I'm glad Daisy isn't here to bitch me. (Is beat over the head with M.C.s SMG) Oh yeah, I forgot. Sorry.

Miles: Lets see… these two wouldn't come with out each other so here they are… PEACH AND DAISY!

Mario and Luigi: Ohh… NOOOOOOO!! IT CAN'T BE!! First Bowser now them! Some one kill us! (M.C. appears)

Mario: Kidding! Only kidding! (M.C backs away sadly)

This time, instead of a boat, a seaplane comes to drop them off.

Peach: Thanks for the ride, Toadsworth!

Toadsworth: No problem. There you're problem now, suckahs! MUAHAHAHA!! (Flies away, laughing manically)

Dark: Well, that was odd. Anyways, welcome to the island, princesses. We hope you enjoy your stay.

Daisy: Thank you, we hope we do, Where is the Spa?

Miles: Ummm… About that…

Ike: (Happily) There isn't one! Just the great, dirty, gritty, dangerous, outdoors! Just ask your boyfriends! (Moves to revel Mario and Luigi cowering in fear)

Peach: (Speechless) YOU SAID YOU WERE GOING TO A PLUMBERS CONVENTION! AND HERE YOU ARE, TRYING TO STAY AT A 5 STAR RESORT! WELL JOKES ON YOU GUY'S, THERE IS NONE!!

Mario: We know, "Princess" (To Link) Get us out of here…

Peach: (Hears him) OH NO YOU DON'T! YOU EVER HEAR THE SAYING "HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE A WOMENS SCORN"? WELL, THE PERSON YOU SAID IT WAS UNDERESTIMATING US!

Mario: RUN LUIGI

Luigi: That's Mama Luigi!

Daisy: LUIGI! WE ARE GOING TO KILL YOU!!

Mario: LINK YOU'RE INVOLVED, GET US OUT OF HERE!!

Link: SCREW YOU!! (Transforms into a Goron and rolls away)

Luigi: Awww crap. RUNNNNN

Both he and Mario run like hell, with Peach and Daisy close behind them.

Miles: Well, while the lovers quarrel finishes up, lets introduce the next camper… Sora!

Sora falls from the sky, and hits the ground with a thud.

Sora: Donald, you could have landed you know!

Donald: (From high above) You walked out the door stupid!

Sora: You could have warned me!

Donald: I did!

Sora: Goofy should have stopped me!

Goofy: (From under Sora) I tired.

Sora: Whoops, sorry. (Lets Goofy out)

Goofy: Beam me up, Donny!

Donald: (In a bad Scottish accent) Aye aye, sir!

Goofy is beamed up.

Dark: Well, that was… different.

Miles: Well, we are out of time. Next episode, we will introduce the other 11 campers, the rules, and the first challenge. Cya later.

Dark: Can I get back onto the Cruise Boat?

Miles: Fine, but no burning or scaring

Dark: (Pouts) Fine… Humph.

Miles: Cya next episode!

A/N Ok, this is a parody of a Canadian TV show called Total Drama Island, which is, itself, a parody of Survivor. Miles is I, and Dark Link is what my bro wanted to be called, he is not all the other Dark Links on FanFic. And I don't own any of the games that the characters are from, or Total Drama Island. That's it!

Miles Out.


	2. Meeting the OTHER half of the Campers

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the games the characters are from, nor do I own Total Drama Island.

Miles: Last time, on Total Gamer Island, we met the first 11 campers. They were:

Luigi

Mario

Link

Peach

Daisy

Ike

Snake

Lara Croft

Leon K.

Sora

Bowser

Miles: Now, we meet the rest of the idiots who signed up for this hell trip! We also learn what's going, and why they are doing it. But what will happen? Find out this week on

Total

Gamer

ISLAND!

Dark: Last time we checked, Mario and Luigi were getting the crap beaten out of them. Roll the tape!

(Cuts to graphic tape of Mario and Luigi getting mutilated by Peach and Daisy)

Mario: Why the crap did you have to show that?

Luigi: Yeah, it is not appropriate for our audiences.

Miles: Our "audience", as you say, are a bunch of people who read sick and twisted stuff on a website, while writing their own sick and twisted crap. So anything goes.

Peach: AND DON'T THINK THIS IS FINISHED! WE HAVE A LOT MORE TO PUT YOU THROUGH TONITE! AND THAT'S NOT A GOOD THING!

Luigi: Awww…. DAMMIT TO HELL! (Gets hit in the head by M.C.)

Lara: Can I join you two? I have a score to settle with the green one.

Luigi: (Off screen) My name is Luigi!

Daisy: Sure, Whore. You can help me kill him.

Lara: (Silence) What. Did. You. CALL ME!?!?!

Daisy: You are a whore, right? I mean, the whole outfit thing is kinda…

Dark: Whatever! Lets meet the next camper… umm… Sonic the WHAT? We only have things that walk on two legs here people, whose sick joke is this?

Producer: (Off screen) Umm… it's not a joke.

Dark: I know who he is! He's that blue fast guy, right? (Miles nods) Good. And here comes the boat now!

(The boat approaches, and we can see a blue blur running around the deck. There is a faint voice, and as it gets closer, we hear:)

Sonic: AAAHHHHH WATER GET IT AWAY AAAHHHHHH!!!!!!

Miles: Well, he's obviously a swimmer. That's going to come back later to haunt him.

(The boat finally docks, and Sonic appears next to a tree three miles away)

Sonic: Land… I love land… land good, water baaaaaad…

Miles: This is going to be goooood. Well, while security tries to get Sonic off of the tree, lets say hi to… CLOUD!

(The boat approaches with a blond, spiky haired guy on the deck. All the female contestants – and Bowser- swoon at the sight of him)

All Female people on the island: Ohhh… HE'S SMOKIN HOT!!!!

Bowser: I WANNA SLEEP WITH HIM!!!!!!

(Everyone stares at Bowser)

Bowser: What? (Thinks about what he just said) IDIOT! (Slaps himself)

Miles: Ooooook…. Welcome to the island Cloud. Just so you know, we let you on the island because of your looks, and kick ass sword.

Cloud: I can deal with that. (Walks slowly to the edge of the dock) Hello ladies.

(All the females, and Bowser, faint)

Dark: We better get them to the infirmary. Raine?

Raine: Got it. (She moves them all to the infirmary, with the help of security)

Miles: We should introduce our doctor. Please meet Professor Raine everybody!

Raine: Hi, I'm not much of a talker… cya in later episodes.

Sora: We're on TV? HI MOM!

Mario: Um… why do we need a doctor?

Miles: You'll see.

(Everyone gulps)

Dark: I'm part of the reason. (Smiles)

(Everyone starts praying)

(After a few hours the females- and Bowser- come back)

Dark: Ok, next up is…Yoshi!

(Once again, the boat approaches. On the deck is a green dinosaur)

Peach: Awww, he's so cute! I WANNA HOLD HIM!!

Daisy: ME TOO!

Every other person except the staff: ME TOO!

Yoshi: Yoshi.

Lara: It has lost its cute. KILL IT!

Everyone but staff: YEAH!!!

Miles: Oh no you don't. He's one of the campers, so he has to survive. For now. And next up is…

Link: Wow, you guys are unlucky, having the princesses you save here

Miles: (Off screen) Zelda!

Link: (Laughs) If she knew I was here, Zelda would kill me!

(Motorboat comes in the background. Link doesn't notice)

Link: Ah, it's a good thing she's not here. (Zelda walks up from behind) That bitch is always nagging me.

Zelda:(Clears throat)

Link: (With a worried grin) She's right behind me, isn't she?

(Mario nods)

Zelda: Run, you have 5 seconds.

Link: Shit. (Runs off)

(Once again, the princess chases the savior)

Miles: (Sighs) Not again… Security. (Security wrestles Zelda to the ground, then shoots her with a tranquilizer dart)

The Mario Bros: Why didn't you do that for US?!

Miles: (Shrugs) We were bored. And Links more popular.

Mario: I hate you.

Miles: (Gives him the finger) Don't care!

Dark: Next camper is… Soren!

Ike: What, Soren is coming? Sweet…

Miles: Yep. And there's the boat now!

(The motorboat is coming to the island)

Ike: Man, I can't remember the last time I saw him, or why I haven't seen him in so long.

Soren: IKE YOU SON OF A BICTH!!! YOU TOOK MY GIRLFRIEND!!

Ike: Oh yeah… that's why. Umm.. I can explain Soren. You see, Mia was in my room… naked… and she kinda fell on my…

Soren: DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIE (Uses magic to try to destroy Ike)

Soren: (After 20 minutes) Damn, out of spells. You're safe for now, you S.O.B.

Miles: Well, they're gonna be good friends! The next camper on our roster is the one, the only… Pokemon trainer? Ok, so maybe not the only…

Poke Trainer: (Riding on a Blastoise) I resent that! Wait, I don't have a Blastoise… (It transforms into a Squirtel) AHHHHHHHH

(Poke Trainer goes flying into the beach and is knocked unconscious)

Dark: Raine!

Raine: Got it. (Moves him to the infirmary)

Dark: So, while our friends rest, lets continue. Next up is the pink puffball supreme, KIRBY!

Everyone: YAY!!!!! HE RULES! WOOT!!!!

(Kirby rides to the island on Warpstar)

(Everyone cheers)

Bowser: YOU RULE KIRBY!

Link: I BOW TO YOUR AWESOMENESS

Sora: PICKLES!!!!

(Everyone looks at him)

Sora: ARE GOOD!

Everyone else: HUZZAH!!!!

(Everyone goes off to party for the rest of the day)

Miles: (At party) Did we forget something?

(Cuts to the dock)

Knuckles: Heeeeellllooooo? Anyone there?

(Back to party in the woods)

Miles: Oh, yeah. Lets go introduce the rest of them.

(Dark and Miles go back to the dock)

Dark: Sorry about that. Lets see… who do we have here…

Miles: Knuckles the Enchilada.

Knuckles: ENCHENDIA!

Miles: Tomato, tomatoh. Next… Tails and Shadow.

Tails: YAY I'm on the island! Where is Sonic? WHERE IS HE!!

Shadow: I had to listen to this all the way here. (Walks towards Miles) Kill me.

Miles: Sorry, but I can't.

Dark: And that last one is…

???: (Off screen) MAUHAHAHAHA!!! It is I! BOWSER JR.! I have come to save mama!

Peach: I'M NOT YOUR FREAKIN MOM!!!!

Bowser Jr.: There you are, Mommy! I wuv you!

Peach: Kill him. PLEASE!

Miles: That's all 22 campers. We will introduce you to your cabins so you can get some rest. (Peach raises her hand) Umm… yes?

Peach: Which one is the girls and which one is the boys?

Miles: (Grins) It's co-ed.

(All the girls scream and all the boys cheer)

Lara: You're kidding, right?

Dark: Nope, he is 100% serious.

Lara: Oh my freaking gawd. You sick and twisted people.

Dark: Suck it up. You have a choice: Sleep co-ed or shower co-ed.

Link: Can we do both?

Miles: Hmm… No. Sorry. We would but that would kinda hurt our ratings somehow.

Link: (Groans) Well that sucks.

Miles: C'est la vie.

Mario: What does that mean?

Miles: It's French. It means "that's life" Get used to it.

Miles: Well, we have met our 22 campers. They were:

Mario

Luigi

Peach

Lara Croft

Zelda

Ike

Sonic

Knuckles

Yoshi

Bowser

Snake

Link

Daisy

Bowser Jr.

Soren

Sora

Cloud

Leon Kennedy

Shadow

Tails

Poke Trainer

Kirby

Miles: Tomorrow, our campers will be split into teams and learn the first challenge on the road to winning the 1 million coins/rings/rupees/whatever currency their land uses. See you next time on

TOTAL  
GAMER  
ISLAND


End file.
